But Allah knows you

I didn't reach ten,

when I realized that there is an absolute evil in this life

and that the devils might look like us.

They don't have sharp teeth, or bent horns.

Their feet do not look like the goats’ feet

and they might even have clear beautiful blue eyes

I was older than ten when the teacher asked

'what kind of super power would we like to have? if we get to choose!'

A boy said that he wanted to eat as much as he liked

without getting fat.

Another chose the power to fly.

“Like a kite I will flyI will wave to you, while I'm leaning on a cloud, like a lazy old cat”,he said.

A girl shouted, "Invisible!

I will sneak to the playground, my mom won’t force me to baby sit the kids, and I will steal all the sweets from the jar."

When she asked meI said,

“I want the power to distinguish evil”.

“Only Allah could distinguish evil” she replied,

as if flying or being invisible are available to everyone!

My super power did not impress my class mates,

so I became less interesting and more miserable.

But I knew that for the whole time Allah

knew the evil.

and let it be.

When I was fifteen,

I was watching the news with my mom When she prayed,

"Oh, Allah from evil protect us"

while searching for less terrible news.

News that will enable us to have breakfast with a relived conscience,

"protect us from evil",she repeated after watching a report on BBC.

I wanted to tell her" Mom, I’m the evil you fear, and Allah knows".

I was in my twenties when a guy told me that the order is for Afghani embassy.

3 combo four, one twist and one checkin roll extra garlic, big Pepsi, big fries.

I asked for his name, he said Jakob Kharazada,

I said Khara sho.

Everyone in the room laughed except him and me,

he said " today we celebrate, I will not file a complaint".

During the evening the news talked about a massacre committed by the Nato force in Qandahar,

48 were killed.

Was that the reason to celebrate?

only Allah knows.

When I was twenty-three,

I saw a fifty something tourist convincing a ten years old Bedouin girl to follow him on a tour behind Petra’s mountains.

I grabbed her by the shirt; she swore that she didn't know.

I said Allah knows and I wondered if I developed the power to distinguish evil!

In my late twenties,I saw a bunch of people writing their country-home names with chalkIn some street in Manhattan.

I wrote down the names of three countries and one city.

I wanted to write your name,

you were the only home,

but I didn't dare.

I wished you knew

but only Allah knew!

In my thirties I lost the way but discovered my way.

The girl in the mirror looked like me,

The noise in my head became less loud

I forgot my sin and accepted my evil

I no longer frighten me

I don’t need a super power

In my thirties

Allah knew me

Allah knew me Very well